This guest post is a bit of a different take on mom life and healthy living than where I generally take this blog. But as we moms question every move we make, beat ourselves up over every dropped ball as we learn to juggle the many rolls of motherhood, and put our needs on the back burner while we pour our hearts and souls into these (often thankless) little people we care for, I thought this post written from a grown son to his mother was actually a perfect fit for this community.
We are in the midst of it right now.
Surrounded by chaos and screaming kids. Butts that need wiping and hiding our tears in the bathroom so no one can see. This is where we are now and, on our darkest days and deep down, we are wondering where this will all lead. Who will these kids we are raising become? Will they ever understand what we’ve been through and, if they do, is that what we want or do we prefer our struggle remains our own?
As you ponder your future and the relationships we are building right now, I’d love for you to check out this beautiful post by Brandon. Brandon is a grown man who, through a near death experience, came to appreciate the trauma for the many ways in which it created a true meaning for his life. And for the relationship he now cherishes with his mama:
I Took For Granted My Mother: Confessions From A Son that Nearly Died
By: Brandon Leuangpaseuth
“Ma’am, I have some bad news. Early this morning, your son was hit by a car while pushing down his broken down car on the freeway. He is in critical condition and is still with our intensive care unit right now”
Imagine being a mother and receiving that phone call about your son who was in college...
Well, my mom can. I can’t even fathom what I put my mother through.
To be honest, my mother and I hardly spoke much prior to this accident. We were always cordial with each other. We hardly ever spoke beyond, “how was your day? Oh okay, good”…and then move along amicably with our day.
Growing up, I was always the kid that talked back to my mother and hardly ever truly appreciated what she did for me (yes, I know. I am not that proud of this!) It really took some time for me to see how much she does for me. I guess it took almost dying from a car accident to change my perspective and be grateful for what I have. My mother was my number one supporter in anything I did. School, sports, health...you name it.
For example, in high school, I decided one day I was going to start to eat a healthier diet. After getting off work, my mother would cook food for the family and still make it a point to cook me a separate healthier meal (she made the best quinoa, and chicken).
She used to wake up early and help me with breakfast before school as well. Not to mention, I took a zero period class... a class that started an hour before the regular class schedule, and so she would wake up around 5am every day with me to cook!
And-- I took it all for granted.
A New Chapter
When I was in the in the hospital or intensive rehab center, for 2 months she was there by my side the whole time. Even when I suffered from amnesia and was not fully awake or fully coherent. I broke down into tears when I saw a video of her playing with my “zombie-like” functioning body in the hospital and she was still happy, positive and playful with her son, who at the time, did not even know who she was!
After I was released from the hospital, my mother and I spent a lot of time with each other. We would walk around the block through the neighborhood almost every day and just catch up and reconnect. It became a tradition. Walking every day at night and just talk about life. We started to talk beyond greetings and going out to lunch or shopping more often.
I am so grateful to have been hit by the car and almost dying. Almost dying really showed me how lucky I was and who would be there for me through my toughest and best times.
I am so happy for my mother being in my life and always being there to support me. Looking back I am really disappointed that we weren’t that close. I was disappointed but now I always think I am extremely blessed with the opportunity to live and continue my great relationship with my mother.
Thank you for everything, Mom, I love you.
I am so grateful that I have this relationship with my mother now. I have a message I would like to pass along to all the mothers out there that do not feel like they have a close relationship with their child. My advice is to keep trying. Keep trying to build a closer relationship. If you hardly talk to each other and you start making some attempts to reach out, do not take their surprised or timid reactions personally. Just keep going.
Try it out. Start small and keep building the relationship. It will be hard, because most children will probably be like me prior to the accident, but be positive and keep trying.
It is worth it.